"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies....

One sunny day in 2003 while I was reading an issue of EGM, I saw a URL for a message board. Thinking, hey I'm a gamer, it would be kick ass to talk to other gamers! Soon after I started posting on message boards on the site which lasted until the board was shut down and EGM moved to 1UP.com. To this day I still talk to many people from those days and I loved every second of it. 6 years later I sadly lived to see the end of a magazine that I have read since 2000. Sure the magazine has had its ups and downs and it is no where as amazing as it was when I was much younger. I could sit and reread the same issue 5 times or more and be happy about it. These days, I am lucky if I can read the issue more than once. Still, people like James “Milkman” Mielke and Shane Bettenhausen have been writers that I have enjoyed for years. I felt like I have been friends with them forever. The 1UP Show was also an amazing achievement that though may have ended tons of jobs for everyone, it was an amazing show that I enjoyed every single week. It is sad to see so many writers go jobless and it truly signals a time of changes, but hopefully EGM will always be remembered as one of the greater video game magazines for its time. Those interested, http://www.eat-sleep-game.com/news/ has a podcast with a bunch of people from EGM and 1UP talking about what happened, the past, the present and the future, as well as video games. It is sad to see certain things from your past end, especially when they have been apart of your life for so long. Hopefully these people stay in the business and keep video games in their hearts.

I really lost all interest with LJ as I have no one that reads my thoughts much or gives me a reason to update it....kind of makes me sad.

Anyway, this past semester was pretty insane. School just kicked my ass and suffocated me until I finally turned him back over and sat on his head. I have been good with the distractions. No weed, no alcohol....well except for like once, and I have been doing fine with the no cigarettes. I finally got my classes set up for next semester....but I rather not think about that. This winter break is almost here and I can taste it. As much as I should work more, I won't. I will party until my brain exploded....I just need to forget for a while. I would love to just party all the time, but I do hold value to my education and I am just not someone that can balance both worlds.

For a serious note though, every day I feel what I have been saying for a while now, I do not belong here. I just don't feel that I am respected like I should be and that people act like my view is just "dumb". Maybe it is because of my past, maybe it is because I usually do act like an idiot in front of people, but deep down I have a more serious view and a well educated opinion....I just don't care to say it often since it isn't something I want to always talk about. Some people I know live a life that is 100% serious, all the time. I could not live that life...I'd go insane. I also see more of what my one friend talks about, the racism and how there is just so much in the world that we have not seen or have very wrong views of. He went to Germany for a few weeks and just what he learned from that was amazing. I think if I can, I would like to travel, visit for the world for what it is and not what the media wishes to tell us. We'll see....

NO idea if I said it before....to lazy to relook, but my water pump blew in my car, that costed me a grand, then I went to buy a Dell. After a few fights with them because of them saying my bank was giving them trouble, it finally shipped.
Intel Core 2 Quad Q6600 2.40GHz processor
Windows Vista 64-bit
6GB DDR2 SDRAM 667MHz
640 GB SATA Hard Drive (7200 RPM)
16x DVD+/- RW drive
19-in-1 media card reader and a bare-bones USB keyboard/mouse.
$520ish after tax and shipping

Now for that price, I am very happy. I did not want to buy a Dell, but that wa sjust to good to past. Sooner or later, I'll be buying a 22'' Acer LCD monitor, a 9800GT graphic card(or better, depends how long I wait) and a better PU for that card. I have a feeling that I will wait a while for the card though as I don't really game much on the PC...until SCII comes out baby!

The winter is closing in and the coldness is making me a bitter man again. The only warmth I feel is from people who just don't get me or from the alcohol that I keep sipping in hopes to forget that life loves to shit on you no matter what. The nicer you are, the more you get shitted on....period.

                   Comments Will Be Screened
                  

I'M DONE WITH EVERYONE, FUCK THEM ALL

Do you ever just get in the right mood, where everything clicks and there is just happiness in front of you, behind you, it just surrounds you everywhere. I can just smile here for hours, listening to some great music and flow through the keyboard, and write all night. I don't care on what. Politics, music, life, death, people, whatever, I just want to flow. I love creating music, but I end up loving other people's work more...probably because I am nothing great, but I think I just like to marvel what goes through the minds of others and just think...and flow.

Since a friend told me about this site, I shall hope I can get at least one person to use it. It has the best songs for the night and it is what I am using at the moment. Be happy, be free, just floooow

http://bedtimetunes.trash-can.net/

I remember when I first started smoking, Freshmen year of highschool. At the time, it was such a cool feeling, trying to get people to buy me a pack of ciggs and hiding them around the house so I didn't get into trouble. Back then it was just "cool" in my mind. After a year of it and not being able to buy them myself, I quit, no problem. Then fast forward to Vocational school a little later.Out bus driver was a war vet, didn't give a damn, so we all would smoke and act like we rocked at life. Now I look at it as such a dumb time. The money I wasted, the time I blew and the lungs I ruined for what? Sure, I enjoyed the smoking, and I still do, but I truly think I will quit this time. I have more support, I really want it. Don't get me wrong, I will always want to smoke, I just loved it that much, but I think that now I see all the negatives from it and I realized that it is time to move on and make the better choice and quit for good, or so I hope. I have nothing wrong with smokers, and I feel those who look at smokers and feel they are Satan don't know a damn thing. I believe though that in the long run, it is just better for you. I'm sure that as time goes by, smoking will be almost destroyed and looked down upon. More and more countries and states are banning smoking in building and around them to a point where you have to wonder what is the point in smoking then. The worst is the bar scene where it was always a drink and a cigarette in hand. I shall miss smoking but I think that if I am ever to feel great again and be a better person, I have to make the right choice and move on.

But oh boy does the craving kill you...and the feeling of wanting to punch someone in the face....this is not an easy thing to quit.

Nothing beats listening to music from my youth, even if it is crap music.... Spice Girls, whaaa?

No eating cheese
Quit smoking
Work out more...Leg press 800lbs again
hair cut
shave...you lazy fuck
Pass college...haha

Looking up at the stars, A long life question came to my little mind. Our life is so small, so fragile and there is so much out there in the big black hole we see above us, yet people are caught up with there lives around them that most never get to see it. Our world poisons our thoughts and views of it all with the bright light that fills the air around us. The answer will never be found, because it is to far out there and no one truly knows how to reach it. There are to many doors that we will never open because it seems natural to be scared to take that plunge. My question though is why does substances that don't seem to be truly natural open that thought process and make us think this way? I feels like it holds the key and with every time we dip into that world we get a glimpse of the truth that we all yearn for. It feels like everything is a trick to get us. It is impossible to know what is right and what is wrong. I suppose that is why life is a quest and it feels like we never really get to what we want. It is a giant mixing pot of confusion and answers, and nothing ends up connecting right. With every shot, the world seems straighter. With every shot, the world seems to tilt more and more. Half of me wants to truly understand it all, but would that be to much to hold? I believe death is something that points us to the right direction. Most of us are afraid of it, but those who aren't, they truly understand death. It isn't something to be afraid, because it is just another door and with that step you are going towards what we all want to know. What do we all want to know though? Now isn't that the million dollar question. I wish someone would simply tell me it, but that would be way to simple. I guess for now, I will sip my drink, smoke away and wait until that day. There is no rush to enter that door, is there? Well...?

I feel like part of me has matured a lot in the recent year, but at the same time I feel like I am being held back by my friends. The friends that at one time I felt I needed to get pass each day, the ones who brought a smile to my face every time we hung. Something changed though, something clicked where I just realized, they are all disposable. Someone who does nothing by annoy you each day and are completely useless, why keep them around. I feel weak that I say such words, but I feel like I am in a shell and until I break out, I cannot go any further. I'm in that stage though where I do not know what to do. Do I break out and start a new life, new friends and move on, or do I stay and suffer a little bit and hope for the better? I have options in front of me, but each one I lose something and gain something. Change is probably one of the scariest events we all have to go through. We get use to life and when something plows us down, we can not do anything but stare and become speechless on what just happened. My mind is in knots and untangling each one is a struggle. My life is full of such useless antics and I feel like everything just holds me down...none of it really matters. It seems like I will always search through my life for a true meaning or something to grasp, when inside I do not believe I will ever find it. I feel that sometimes you cannot win and you have to just suffer in defeat. Who wants that though? I think all we can do it get the drive to move forward, even if we are blind in eyesight and are running aimlessly at a dark hole. I just hope there is light at the other end, so at the end of it all, I feel it was all worth it, like I meant something and life does have a meaning. There are so many question marks....will we ever answer any of them or just add more questions?

Depression seems like an illness that everyone must deal with no matter who you are and what you do. It seems like that everyone goes through a form of it, but some are lucky and are able to cope with it while others can not and must resort to other measures. Every empire went through highs and lows and I feel like the American Empire is on a down fall that is every country goes through. You have a pure country that rises and reaches for the sky, but then because of immigrants and other reasons, the country becomes ill and dies. Then everyone leaves and goes to the next best country and it just keeps going on. I do not mean that comment to be a racial remark, but it is how it happens. People look at there country and see how it is falling apart and turning into a wasteland and leave for hope, but it is a plague that spreads no matter what. People want the best and they will do anything for that dream of happiness...hell I would.

So how does this all come into depression? Well because you feel like no one when you see an empire that has been held so high all through your life and claimed as the best country in the world, fall down like all the other countries. Part of me feels like it is just how it goes, but the other half feels like we all should try and fix it. I guess each country and it's people went through the same. Soon enough we all will have to pick up the pieces and hope for the best, because that is all we can really do anyway...or leave like the others will. I look at this next presidential election and laugh how SO many people feel it will be the beginning of a new era, that he/she will bring the United States of America to a new high and we will look down and laugh as we rise to the heavens....ha. I see it as complete bullshit. The only way we could truly fix the problem in my mind is close the US, stop with the bull shit, and wipe out everyone in power and relearn, retool how we run, because it will never get better with who we have in office and in congress...it is just how it is. Money is true power and no one wants to trade that in to make others happy.
I feel that my generation will see the US fall to a new low and we will try to fix it, but with no solid solution.

I am torn because I really do not know what to do. Care, or not care? Do something or do nothing, and even then, what can I do? Life is a sickness and a depression that I can only wish I can fight well enough to realize that I can't do everything. Sometimes all we can do is sit, take a long drag out of that cigarette and hope for the best, because if you take it to serious, nothing good will come out. It will just eat you inside and out until you realized you fought a battle that you alone can not win. I do hope that one day that people do not have to worry about such things, but I do not see that window ever opening up. I sometimes think that the druggies, the pot heads, the alcoholics who are all to busy with there addicting lives to care have it better, because there world is so much smaller. It is a tiring war.

I do look at it all, the depression, the hatred I see, the bull shit that floods the world and I still feel that I would never want it any different. I have the best friends, the best parents I could ask for. Sure, sometimes I don't see that, but at the end of the day, nothing beats a nice sunny day, chilling with your friends and forgetting about the world for a few minutes, or a few hours. It is those moments that I hold so close to my heart and will never forget. Those are the moments in life that make living worth it, because no where else could you feel those feelings. I value every minute and every second of my life, because so many people just do not realize that in a blink of an eye, that life could be gone. it isn't until they are gone do we realize that. Life is powerful and it should never be taken for granted.

A shame I have to wake up.

So today I went to NYC for my art history class as I need extra credit. Our mission was for the MET, but oh man did it go wrong. We left NJ at 8ish and the bus was nice. We got there by 10. Now, the bus had people going to Broadway and to the MET. The main guy there didn't say the bus was going to the MET after the first stop, so me and my friends think that we just have to walk there. We are in Times Square and we think we just have to keep walking straight, so after walking for what seems like a long time, we hit the UN. I then ask two cops and a firefighter and neither know where the MET is located. We walk down a few streets and hit 56th where I ask another man who says it all the way down. We walk for a good amount of time and ask someone else who repeats the same. After we walk for another 30 minutes I realize something is wrong. I find out, we are no where close and we had to go through Central Park. We get a cab and the guy ends up mishearing us as saying METS as the NY baseball team. We hit the bridge and look over and realize, something is wrong. The cab driver starts getting angry at us, but we just keep saying don't worry, we'll pay. We finally get there at 1pm. Along with that I find out the MET is one of the most annoying museums I have ever seen. Tons of people and tons of notes I had to take made it a shitty time, but seeing NY first hand was grand. The people I asked help for were nice and even a few girls came up to me to talk and ask how to say "stamp"(They were from another country). The ethnic groups there are all over the place, with every different type of restaurant one could think of. My legs may be killing me now, but it was well worth it.

Oh, and if you are ever by Lexington Ave in NYC, check out the Lenox Hill Grill. Very nice small restaurant with great burgers and fries. The prices are pretty solid.

Unbreakable: I remember watching the fi;m back when it first came out on DVD and thought it was a borefest. Now I am older, wiser and enjoy movies I use to hate so why not give it another try! Well same feelings. Borefest mania! The acting is very good, but the story never grabbed me at. It felt like it was just slowly moving on and on with no climax. I guess some may feel it was a very moving film, but the plot was just lame in my opinion. I guess I just don't enjoy M. Night Shyamalan at all as a director.

D+

I was watching an episode of Bill Maher's HBO politic show which got me thinking. Americans are stupid. It is funny how I use to think like many. Oh _____ wants to legalize weed, I'm so voting for him. _____ wants to lower gas, lower taxes and give me a bj?! Holy shit, I'm voting for him! Hey, how about we stop and look around for once and realize that this once of a great nation is getting closer and closer into a depression that will destroy us as a country. How about we stop about just pity objects and we care about getting our economy back in order. Well yes, I highly doubt that it will happen over night, but wouldn't it be better to fix it before it drops a kick to our nuts and we all have to fight for an M&M? Now I am no fan of anyone running for President. I feel each lies out of there asses and none of them will be here long enough to make a huge change, but one of them will win and hopefully that one will do enough to prove that we can still fix this nation. Clinton, I don't like her at all. I don't understand how anyone can vote for someone that has been caught in more lies then anyone else. Yeah, I'm going to vote for this idiot who thinks she can lie about everything she has done, because we all know we are lied to anyone to begin with, so who cares? Obama, well he is to young, he doesn't know anything. He smoked weed, so that is just a bad sign dudes. McCain...yes! Lets vote for another Republic, so we can get kicked in the nuts again and again and lose all our homes. Ok, so my sarcasm has been detected, fuck. I know, lets vote for Nader, because why not? He keeps trying every time even though he has no chance, but one day he might! How about this, no matter what we want or say, we really have little say. If I could have want I wanted, I would say we as the people should vote for everything. Of course there are millions of reasons why that would be bad, but if the US falls, it would be 100% our faults and we would have no room to bitch. At the end, this rant really says nothing besides that I don't see our country getting better anytime soon and THAT is scary. Think about it. You are putting in all this money for college, dreams of owning a nice house, getting married, pay off that college debt, but BAM our economy falls and everyone is royally fucked in the ass with no end in site. It really makes you scared each morning knowing that the end may not be so far after. But what is there to do? Well we will do what we do best, bitch, cry, moan and hope that those with there grey hair and millions of dollars are nice enough to lend a helping hand and care more then there fat wallets. Hey, worse happens, I can always go to Mexico! Yeah ok...I'm tired and typing all this for no one got old now...so good night Baby Cakes.

The Forbidden Kingdom: Basically a asian fairy tale with some fun fight scenes. Both Jackie Chan and Jet Li do great in the movie. The story may turn off some who are hoping for a hardcore kung fu movie, but I feel it was a great movie. If you are a fan of Jackie Chan or Jet Li, then you really owe yourself to see it. The music also fit well with what was going on. I doubt I'd see it again, but well worth seeing it once.
B

Looking back, I realized this is the first generation that I have been able to keep up with. I remember for all those years that I would see everyone on message boards and friends play these new games, but as I didn't have a job then and no money, I was never able to keep up with the new games that kept pouring out. This marks the first time that I have been able to blow my own money on games as they came out and kept with what everyone is playing. So many times I would have little to say on the gamer boards because I never played any of the new games and I felt out of place. Of course now it is much more about free time then money for me, but I at least feel equal to everyone else. I also now see that one doesn't even have to be rich to buy so many great games. Out of all of me 360 games, only one did I get at full price(COD4) and that was for my birthday. Everyone other game was bought at $40 or lower because of the amazing Amazon.com and the Prime Membership doesn't hurt either. I don't know if I will ever be on top of gaming like this generation of consoles, but at least I got to play a bunch of amazing games and had tons of fun playing with my buddies. The memories are what count anyway, new games or old, it's still the same fun.

Here I am, sitting by the computer on St Patties Day, planning on partying tomorrow and I was thinking about how fucked up we are as a nation, as people who follow in line with the government and do what we are told about how drugs are bad and to stay away. I have always felt since I have smoked marijuana that we have it all wrong. Should we legalize every drug out there? Hell no, but is there a reason for us to criminalize those who wish to smoke marijuana or consume shrooms? No. The only damn reason the government will not allow it is because a lot of our people who run in offices are bought out by pharmaceutical companies. Would you do if people learned that they would be much better off smoking weed then consuming the millions of drugs that doctors prescribe every day? It is all about money, it is all about power, and no one wants to lose that. We are at a stalemate that I doubt will ever really move enough for the other to win. I believe that marijuana should at the very least be legalized for medical purposes. If I was dying, I should be able to do what I must to live as long as possible. I truly hope that one day, we will live in a better nation where we can smoke weed when we want and not worry about the police. I doubt I will see those days, but we can all hope and help to fix our broken nation. When 50% of those in jail are from drug use, it sickens me we waste so much money on containing people for such petty crimes. If countries such as Amsterdam and Holland can function and have what grows from our soil legal, then I am certain that we can do it too.

It's like life stopped and nothing is happening anymore...it broke and it must be fixed.

Movie Reviews...small but sweet.

Blow: A great movie about the life of drugs and how at the end, money is just an object with little to no meaning. We have seen many movies like these, but Johnny Depp does a great job acting along with sending a powerful message to everyone.
A+

Resident Evil: Extinction: Decent film, as long as you don't mind how much they have strayed away from the video games. The action was average, but you can't help feel giddy when Alice goes bad ass one everyone. I didn't understand how they call it the final installment when the ending leaves it wide open. I'm guessing sooner or later they will release another film, hopefully much better.
C+

No Country for Old Men: Great movie, I see why it won the Oscars and has been acclaimed to be a fantastic movie. It may move a bit slow for some, but anyone who really enjoys a good film should be able to really understand and love this movie. My only negative view of the fi;m was the ending. As many have said, it feels to open, like they just threw the ending out and that was it. It doesn't kill the movie, but it does anger me a bit when I watched a 122 minute film and it just ends out of no where. I recommend everyone see this film, it's that good.
A

Wild Hogs: This is probably the first movie I kind of enjoyed that had Tim Allen in it. The plot was decent and the humor was alright at best, but it was still a fun family flick. Hearing the roars of the motorcycles is something that just makes you feel manly. it could have been better, but it was still a fun popcorn flick.
C+

Lucky Number Slevin: One of my favorite movies of 2006. The story was interesting, the characters had a good back story and the plot was always twisting back and forth. I was drawn until the very end and loved every single minute of it.
A+

Jumper: Fun popcorn flick. I knew the second I saw the trailers that the film wasn't going to be more then just a fun flick to watch. I went with some friends and it was a fun movie. The idea doesn't seem new to me, but I can't remember seeing it any where else. Samuel L Jackson was decent and the movie's pace was fast enough to keep my interested throughout the film. I felt it was one of those movies that you watch because there is nothing better to see and nothing else to do. For that I felt it was a fine movie, but nothing more.
C

All in all, having fun watching all these movies lately. Blow was amazing, glad I finally purchased. Next is Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas and then 30 Days of Nights, can't wait.

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?

2) What was your dream growing up?

3) What talent do you wish you had?

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?

5) Favorite vegetable?

6) What was the last book you read?

7) What zodiac sign are you?

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.

9) Worst Habit?

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?

11) What is your favorite sport?

12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.

16) Do you have any pets?

17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?

18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm...careful!)

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?

22) What color eyes do you have?

23) Ever been arrested?

24) Bottle or can soda?

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?

27) What's your favorite place to hang at?

28) Do you believe in ghosts?

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?

30) Do you swear a lot?

31) Biggest pet peeve?

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?

35) Do you believe in God?

36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?


Yeah I know you won't ba back for a while so I shall wait. ^_^

Back when the Dreamcast was out and Sega was kings of the world, there was a game they released called Rez. Rez was a game that didn't get much press, but in the underground it was loved by all that got there hands on it. Rez was an on rail shooter that combines crazy graphics with great trance music. Luckily Rez had a second chance on the Playstation 2, but Sega only released 40,000 copies and it was hard to find. On January 30th of the year 2008, Sega released one of the best games to grace the great Dreamcast and PS2 to the Xbox Live Arcade community.



For anyone with an Xbox 360, I demand you buy this amazing game. It's cheap and we need more creative games like Rez.

I have also been getting to Japanese Trance and Techno and I really enjoy it. For a while I was only into German and American DJs, but after getting into games like Rez and Lumines, I have a whole new respect.
Artists I recommend:
Mondo Grosso - also known as Shinichi Osawa. His work portrays genres from Acid Jazz to House, though it mainly stems from underground club music. he is known for the music on the PSP game, Lumines.

Ken Ishii - a Japanese techno DJ and producer from Tokyo. He has released work under his own name as well as under the pseudonyms: FLR, Flare, UTU, Yoga, and Rising Sun. He is known for his songs on the PSP game Lumines II.

DJ Tsuyoshi - Co-founder of the legendary trance label Matsuri Productions based in London from '94 to '99, he is also one of the world’s best known trance and techno DJs. His work is top notch and everyone should hear the stuff he plays at the clubs. Link: http://www.djtsuyoshi.net/

http://www.1up.com/do/feature?cId=3152498

Music is life babe.